How Parents Can Give Support

As a parent, one thing you can do right now is sit down with your student and talk about sexual assault, relationship violence, stalking, and harassment. Having this conversation can help your student have a successful, fulfilling, and safe college career.

Consider discussing the qualities of healthy relationships

The following are some points to guide your conversation:

• Healthy relationships are based on respect for your partner.
• Healthy relationships are based on communication about boundaries, needs, and desires. Clear conversation and direct communication are important.
• Alcohol use and peer pressure can help create environments for violence, but never condone or excuse violence.
• You can also review our Healthy Relationships Continuum with your child.

This conversations can help you let your student know that if she or he has been a victim, or are victimized in the future, you can be an understanding and non-judgmental source of support.

What is my child experiencing?

The trauma of being victimized often results in long-lasting effects. Each person reacts differently. However, there are some reactions that are common. These might include:

• Shock, disbelief, numbness, withdrawal
• Preoccupation with thoughts and feelings about the assault/event
• Unwanted memories, flashbacks, and/or nightmares
• Intense emotions: anger, fear, anxiety, depression
• Physical symptoms: sleep disturbance, headaches, stomach aches
• Inability to concentrate, lower grades
• Loss of interest in sex
• Fears about safety
• Feelings of guilt and shame

Victims feel a loss of power and control; therefore, part of regaining a lost sense of control is determining who to tell and when. Therefore, the victim may or may not report the crime, and may or may not tell her or his parents.

Why won't my child come talk with me about her/his experience?
Victims may not tell their parents for many reasons. There may be a perceived need to protect the parents from the trauma. They may also feel ashamed and/or be afraid of being blamed for the incident.

As a parent, what can I do to help my child?

• She or he needs your non-judgmental support. When someone has been victimized, their sense of power and control has been taken away. Regaining control requires allowing the victim to make decisions about reporting, medical attention, and counseling.
• Make sure your student has information and your support to make her or his own decisions regarding the incident.
• Do not blame your student for what she or he did or did not do. This can cause further hurt.
• Listen! Being available to listen to your student will help her/him feel safe and secure.
• Remember that each survivor has a different recovery pace.
• Accept the feelings she or he is experiencing as normal.
• Put your student's needs first. If you need someone to talk to about how you feel or how to provide assistance to your student, you can contact any of the offices listed in the resources section.

Advocacy & support

Help your student identify consultation, advocacy, and support resources. You and your students can contact any of these resources for confidential and free services.

The Women's Center at Virginia Tech is a resource for students and their families. Available services include advocacy, support, individual counseling, support groups, academic relief, accompaniment to medical facilities, police, judicial hearings, and court proceedings.

Reporting options

On and off campus options are available for students who choose to report an incident of abuse, harassment, or stalking. Reports can be made to the Virginia Tech Office of Judicial Affairs, the Office for Equal Opportunity, and/or to local law enforcement. Adjudication options include:

University Judicial Hearing
Contact the Virginia Tech Office of Judicial Affairs (540-231-3790).

Criminal Prosecution
Requires contacting the local police in area the incident occurred.

Civil Prosecution
Requires contacting your own legal counsel.

 

 

Grant statement: This project was supported by grant # 2005-WA-AX-0020 awarded by the Violence Against Women Office, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. Points of View in this document are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the U.S. Department of Justice.

 

Last updated 03/29/2007